Freaky me..

Let me star by saying, that when I say freak, I speak of a specific type of freak.. I mean the comic book freak (actually graphic novels, but whatever), the anime freak, the super hero freak, the comic conventions freak.. That type of freak..

You know, it's bad enough to have some jerks telling you that is wrong to be the way you are (luckyly, I don't anymore, and I hardly had any through my life) but when your own family says that...

I mentioned before, and it's something that I think I'll never get COMPLETELY over (but I am pretty near that), that about 3 years ago my own father told me and my sibilings (particularly my brother and I, and specially my brother) that he didn't like the way we were.. Sure, he knew we were good peopl, and wehad nice principles etc etc, and he did vaalue that, but the fact of us being freaky (I wasn't actually all that freaky back then, (not that I am all that freaky now) but I was something like that) and not liking sports was stronger than that.. Sure he apologyzed the day after, and he "came to terms" whith the way we are, but I know he'd still rather us being sportive and all that.. In a way we both moved past that, and in a way we are both still stucked whith it.. It reflects on they way we both feel whenever he throws a coment like "hey wanna go to the stadium tomorrow?" (or things like that) when he knows we don't want to.. And we immediately redirect that comment to the night when he sayed all thos bad things..

Well.. as I said my father isn't all that big an issue now, and my other never was.. but our sisters kinda are.. I mean they both judge our friends and stuff (I gotta say though, that my older sister V, isn't all that bad.. I think she kinda accepts the way we are.. sure she judges our friends and dislikes freakism, but when it comes to us she's kinda cool about it.. for example she helped us make our costumes for a convention once, 'cause she studying fashion, and she knows a lot more than us about making clothes), but my little sister R, she just hates freakism, and believes everyone should be "normal" like she and her friends are.. and we are not the exception in her book..

We once got into an argument whith her because we heard her and her worst bunch of friends talking about other people at school, and they were extrevelly mean, judging a freaky girl, and two brazilian girls for having brazilian accent, complaining that apparently they were just trying to stand out (like if that made any sense, and like if it was a bed thing).. Another time we got into a fight because she and V, dislike our new friends (the X-men) and think they are too freaky..(some of them are just as freaky as we are, so I don't really understand them)..

Today (actually yesterday now)R, N and I were in the kitchen, making lunch to eat whith our parents who were comming back home from being the weekend away, when V's boyfriend came in accomplanyed by two of V and R's friends (mostly V's).. These ones are nice people, and I have nothing against them, so we small talked while they were here (they came to get something and go back to a hockey game where V was playing), they saw an easter egg which "shocked" them a tiny bit, cause it isn't easter yet, so my brother explained that he knows they only sell them two weeks a year, so he buys them any chance he gets during the two weeks, cause he doesn't eat them only at easter..
When these people left, R started arguing 'cause he embarrased her infront of her friends whith weird talk and stuff (she also complains that we use "weird" words  (which actually are cultured people-words) and says we should talk the "way teens should") so this led on to a  whole argument that ended up on how we were freaks and how that was wrong.. And how we should be normal, like she and her friends are! She says that is wrong for us to like comic books and super heroes 'cause it's not ok for people our age.. Sure it's ok for her and her friends to watch disney movies that were actually ment for ten year olds 'cause that's "normal".. (I don't mean the classic animated pictures, I like those, they were big part of my childhood, and I don't think it's wrong at all to watch those no matter your age.. I mean those stupid musicals they do now at days.. like hsm and stuff).. I asked her to take a moment and think how hurtfull were these things she was saying, you know, saying that the way we are is wrong, to us, her own brothers.. But of course, she stook to what she was saying..But why should I be surprised? We're talking about a girl that used to yell hurtfull stuff to us (this includes V) over the smallest disagreement.. I mean, sure, who hasn't lost it and yelled something mean to a sibiling? god knows I have, but she yelled these things even before loosing it, perfectly consious of what she was saying, and actually trying to hurt us (we knew she was trying to hurt us, so we didn't pay much attention to what she said, but it always hurt a little (at least to me) that she even tryed to hurt us).. Of course we did called her hollow ('cause she actually is, and I'm usually fine whith it, but the moment she started critisizing my way of beying, I just didn't care anymore).. She denyed being so (at least we admit our freakism) and asked me for examples, which I gave, but she didn't think they were valid 'cause of course EVERYONE does that, or at least everyone who's "normal" (which isn't actually true)..

Eventually (once the fight was over) dad and mom came back, and the fight topic eventually came up.. So my father tryed to analize the situation and see what the situation was.. So he was in the kitchen whith R and N, and he asked N "but couldn't it be that you like to play freak?".. sure, in an other situation this question would've been just fine, but right then, it meant that he had taken sides.. maybe out of contest it's not that obvious, but trust me, it meant that (a while later my mother said this exact same thing to me, so trust me, he took sides.. and he took HER side.. no surprizecoming from him).. So this led to a fight between him and N, where N insulted him (he was actually out of line).. And while they were fighting I was whith my mother and R, talking things through, and my mother did the right thing and actually said she was wrong (which my father didn't) and told her there was no reason for her to be ashamed by us, and that the words we used weren't weird, and (in a nice way) told her she actually was kinda hollow, and just as we shouldn't judge her, she shouldn't judge us.. Of course this did not change her mind but still, it's nuce to see somone sees things the way they are... After this, my sister spent the whole day in a bad mood, and took the defensive on EVERYTHING...

So basically, both my sister and my dad are jerks, and my father, really hasn't changed much in the inside (as I always thought, gotta give him a LITTLE credit for trying to hide it just not to hurt us, though..)
This gets me thinking.. and I remember those times when my brother says he actually hates R, and we all tell him that he's too harsh on her, and that he can't hate her, she's his sister, and he overreacts to her hallownes.. And I think of days like today, and think "how can I blame him?" ok, I'm just overreacting and being dramatic.. sure she's still my sister, and I DO still love her.. but at times like this I actually think she doesn't deserve it.. and I think how am I supoused to act from now on? she never apologyzed, and she still feels all those things, so I should be still mad at her.. but she won't say she's sorry, and she won't change her mind. at least not in the near future, so I can't stay mad to my sister forever...
I just hate how she acts like she hates discrimination and racism, but then she does this, I mean, this is discriminating too.. it actually is

C'est ma famille!!