2.24.2011

The Murderer Orange..

Ok.. I guess in a way this is the end of a five-chaptered story..  For a while now I've been talking about this girl.. let's just call her murderer orange now (funny name, right? ^^) since it was her who brought the inspiration for the whole murderer orange thing (let's clarify that I didn't name this blog that way 'cause I liked her, but because the murdurer orange became an inside joke between a group of friends of mine, and because she (and another girl from that group) where the ones who "inspired" me to open my own blog), and since now she knows who she is, so there's no need to avoid obvious nicknames..
I'm gonna take advantage of the fact that this girl knows her identity to say soemthings I left unmentioned.. I met this girl a bit less rthan a year ago in a comic convention and she was part of a group of cosplayeres that like mine, where doing x-men cosplays.. Because of this coincidence, we started getting together as a group (I mentioned this group a few times before, it obvyously is the group I call x-men).. I already thought she was pretty when I saw her at the convention, and as we started knowing each other I started to develope a crush on her.. The thing was: she had a boyfriend..
Now, on the last post I mentioned that a window seemed to open up, I'll clarify now, that this window was her breaking up whith her boyfriend, and as I said on my las post I wasn't gonna jump in right away because that would seem oportunistic, and even if I jumped in my principal objective was to get this thing out of my chest..
I also mentioned that this window was probably gonna be closing in the near future (I also said that the window was never actually opened for me since she saw me as just a friend).. Well, this closing, was the fact that she and a mutual friend of ours, had been getting together as friends before she and her boyfriend broke up, and they noticed that there was "something" between them, so the window was closing even before it opened..

So, what happened was that 2 days ago I talked to this mutual friend, and here I confesed that she was the girl on the posts, and it was then that he told me about this "thing" between them..
Now.. I don't know exactly how things went down, but they apparently talked to each other, so the murderer orange sent me a facebook message saying she wanted to talk to me about this.. So, for lack of a better mean, we discussed the whole thing on the facebook's chat...
She was actually feeling guilty for the fact that I never stood a chance, since I watched her have a relationship whith her boyfriend, and immediatly after they broke up this friend told me that something might happen between them in the future.. I of course told her that she had noting to be sorry for and I explained taht even before she and her boyfriend broke up I was ready to try moving on  (of course I never got to, because I wanted to tell her how I felt before moving on, and the first chance I got to do so, I wasted it, and before a second chance prestented itself, our mutual friend dropped the bomb on me)
We went on and on, talking about this.. we ended up  perfectly ok, and we are still going to be friends (which as I said in another post, makes me very happy)

So.. there you go.. I never got to tell her myself how I felt.. she had to find out by somone else.. which kinda sucks.. And we had to disscuss the whole thing on facebook chat which isn't so great either.. And now in a not so far future, I may have to watch them be together.. But I'm making my peace whith it, and hopefully by that time I will have moved on, cause I'm still thinking of doing so.. I even have a new "target" (for lack of a better word) in mind, and I've had it in mind for quite sometime now so who knows... But the problem is, taht given this recent events I'm not sure if I'm ready to move on.. I mean it's still very recent, and I don't know.. it seems like being whith somone else right now may feel weird.. but I also don't want to remain stucked in this unnecesary drama I've created for myself.. So probably if nothing of what I mentioned in this las 2 posts had happened, I would probably be happily moving on or about to.. So in a way it was good to get all this shit out of the way.. but in a way it only got me stuck in this whole issue again (of course that it's just temporary but still.. it sucks..)



LA FIN!!


P.S: - the bird (the suirrel and the mano pelada too) bites- I'm not giving this people's identityes, 'cause I don't think it would be apropiate for me to do so, I think they have the right to remain unnamed if they want so..


P.P.S: Naranja Asesina: quiero aclarar que si bien tengo este "crush", ninguna de mis acciones con respecto a vos fueron inspiradas por otra cosa que un sentimiento de amistad (por dar un ejemplo, mis intervenciones en tu blog, como aquellas veces que te dije que estaba cuando me necesitaras, por algun problema que habias posteado).. O sea, capaz que la primera vez que lei tu blog fue principalmente por que me gustas.. Pero despues todo lo demas, es porque me caes muy bien mas alla de que me gustes o no (obvio que el que me gustes siempre estuvo presente pero no siempre fue lo principal).. Mi punto es que nuestra amistad es totalmente genuina, no fue todo xq me gustaras ni nada.. solo queria que supieras.. como te dije, de verdad me gusta ser tu amigo ^^  (no se si el blog es el lugar correcto para decirte esto.. de seguro hubiera sido mejor decirlo en la conversacion de hoy, pero no me di cuenta en el momento, y de verdad queria decirte esto, pero tenia miedo de retomar el tema y ponerte en una situacion incomoda.. DE NUEVO)

2.23.2011

Since you wanted it so badly...

Europe can sit and wait! As I promissed I am going to post about the trip, but not yet.. There's somethiong else I need to get out of my chest...
Well, there's this girl I like.. a lot (I mentioned her in some posts: http://murderer-orange.blogspot.com/search/label/Murderer%20Orangee), but she had a boyfriend.. So this ment that there was no chance for me.. at all..
Some time ago, I decided to tell her how I felt anyway, just to get it out of my system, and to find out what she thought of me.. I wasn't expecting anything out of it, I never even hoped for her to give her boyfriend up just for me.. a guy she met less than a year ago.. In fact, I was actually ready to move on, I was even thinking of other girls I could try asking out (I even had one in particular in mind already )
Before I could even try to tell her, a little window of opportunity opened up, a tiny chance precented itself.. My first thought was "well, I can't jump in RIGHT now, I'm going to seem like an opportunist (and as I explained that wasn't the case)..
Virtually no time passed before I learned that she saw me as nothing but a good friend (not because SHE told me).. And that this window may be closing soon enough, and it's gonna close in a way that's particularly... well it's kind of like somone just dropped a bomb on me... not a big one, but a bomb anyway (I can't really explain why this way of closing feels this way because it just wouldn't be right.. again, for reasons that I can not explain)

So, to sum up: somone dropped a bomb on me, the window that opened was nothing but a cruel joke (not to mention it was never really opened to me), I found out that the girl I like so much, can't think of me as anything but a friend, and I didn't even got to take that load out of my chest, because I never got to talk about it whith her, I never got to hear it from her lips, and now I'm never gonna, because it seems kind of stupid now to even mention this directly to her..EVER


ça craint