2 years, and I'm back in the fucking same place.. only that now with somone else..
Why do I do this? Why do I get obsesed with somone I don't even fucking know? I mean I saw her once, we talked for less than 5 minutes and now I'm cheking facebook albums every hour cheking if she got tagged or something, and I don't even know her freaking name!trully, I don really know what she ACTUALLY looks like I'm losing my mind, I mean I'm wrinting from the univiersity for the first time, just cause I NEED to do SOMETHING about this, and this is pretty much all I can do..
Don't get me wrong, I'm not that messed up that I get this obsesed with a girl I saw once, it's just that I am a bit "obsesed", and being the fact that this is the second time this happens (in the exact same situation) I get obsesed about being obsesed.. (does that even make sense?)
I mean at least, last time the "obsesion" (pleaso don't get freaked out, it wasn't really obsesion) really began after I had SOME contact, there was somewere to get hopes from because there was a real chance of actually knowing her. This time I don't even know how to find her, she might as well be imaginary..
I'm just sick of getting so into this things and imagining things just so that when every thing gets out in the open it turns out everything was just in my head.. I mean, I wasted over a year with my mind on a girl imagining there was something ther and turns out there was nothing more than friendship, then another 6 months on another girl and same story.. Although this tim I can't really be imagining it, I mean, she blew a freaking kiss at me! (the context probably explains it a little bit better, it wasn't out of the blue, but even my brother said it meant something)... I know it still could be nothing, but you have to agree I have SOME reason to get my hopes up (though I try not to)..
But still, even though it may actually be real outside of my head it's actually worse than the other times, because I think that in a way it's easier to get -for lack of a better word- closure when you know the person, 'cause you've got the chance to get everything out in the open, and then getting turned down, wich hurts but it's a great help to start leaving it all in the past.. How on earth can I move on when the last interaction I had with her was her blowing me a kiss and, even though it is unlikely, there is a small chance of her actually turning up?
Maybe I'd be less anxious if she had shown up on sunday, but instead she decided only to show up on saturday so I'd spend all sunday expcting her and looking for her.. thank you very much!
Worst part is, that for a second, it actually felt real, it felt serious.. Maybe even more than the other times.. I don't quite know how to explain it.. Maybe it is all in my head..
Why do I do this? Why do I get obsesed with somone I don't even fucking know? I mean I saw her once, we talked for less than 5 minutes and now I'm cheking facebook albums every hour cheking if she got tagged or something, and I don't even know her freaking name!trully, I don really know what she ACTUALLY looks like I'm losing my mind, I mean I'm wrinting from the univiersity for the first time, just cause I NEED to do SOMETHING about this, and this is pretty much all I can do..
Don't get me wrong, I'm not that messed up that I get this obsesed with a girl I saw once, it's just that I am a bit "obsesed", and being the fact that this is the second time this happens (in the exact same situation) I get obsesed about being obsesed.. (does that even make sense?)
I mean at least, last time the "obsesion" (pleaso don't get freaked out, it wasn't really obsesion) really began after I had SOME contact, there was somewere to get hopes from because there was a real chance of actually knowing her. This time I don't even know how to find her, she might as well be imaginary..
I'm just sick of getting so into this things and imagining things just so that when every thing gets out in the open it turns out everything was just in my head.. I mean, I wasted over a year with my mind on a girl imagining there was something ther and turns out there was nothing more than friendship, then another 6 months on another girl and same story.. Although this tim I can't really be imagining it, I mean, she blew a freaking kiss at me! (the context probably explains it a little bit better, it wasn't out of the blue, but even my brother said it meant something)... I know it still could be nothing, but you have to agree I have SOME reason to get my hopes up (though I try not to)..
But still, even though it may actually be real outside of my head it's actually worse than the other times, because I think that in a way it's easier to get -for lack of a better word- closure when you know the person, 'cause you've got the chance to get everything out in the open, and then getting turned down, wich hurts but it's a great help to start leaving it all in the past.. How on earth can I move on when the last interaction I had with her was her blowing me a kiss and, even though it is unlikely, there is a small chance of her actually turning up?
Maybe I'd be less anxious if she had shown up on sunday, but instead she decided only to show up on saturday so I'd spend all sunday expcting her and looking for her.. thank you very much!
As always, it probably sounds worse in the blog than it is in my head, so please don't get alarmed..
Worst part is, that for a second, it actually felt real, it felt serious.. Maybe even more than the other times.. I don't quite know how to explain it.. Maybe it is all in my head..
Rien
