Dai

Sip, están presenciando mi primer post en español, como ya dije, hace un rato edite mi lista de blogs que sigo, y en ese proceso, deje los únicos 2 blogs de habla inglesa que tenia  así que no tengo ninguna "obligación! de seguir escribiendo TODOS los post en ingles (no que ellos leyeran mi blog alguna vez así que en verdad nunca tuve esa "obligación"). Esto no significa que no vaya a seguir escribiendo algunos posts en ingles, porque me gusta escribir en ingles, es mas, es posible que la mayoría sean en ingles, pero este en particular no, este lo quiero en español.. ¿Porque? La verdad no se... (Esto tiene la gran ventaja de que como el corrector de ortografía de mi computadora esta en español, (y yo nunca me iba a gastar en cambiarlo) ya no van a tener que sufrir ante mis horrores de ortografía, causados mayoritariamente por distracción, pero horrores al fin y al cabo)

Bue.. Llevo unos días con este pensamiento en mi cabeza, y no se me había ocurrido plasmarlo en el blog, hasta que hoy leí este post de a*..

Ok Como dijo a*,  todos en algún punto de nuestra vida perdemos contacto con alguien que considerábamos importante..Es una lastima, pero es así.. Sera porque no se puso suficiente esfuerzo, sera porque la situación es demasiado complicada o sera porque terminaron peleados y nunca mas se hablaron...

Yo obviamente también he perdido contacto con varias personas que en algún momento de la vida supe considerar importantes o no.. Algunas era tan chico que ya ni recuerdo el nombre.. puede que existan algunas que ni siquiera recuerde haber conocido.. Algunas de repente las recuerdo, pero fue hace tanto que ni siquiera me preocupa mucho haber perdido el contacto...

Es una lastima recordar tanta gente que supuestamente era tan importante, pero si era tan importante como puede ser que haya perdido el contacto??

Bueno, lo que les decía que llevaba unos días pensando, era el caso de la persona mas importante que alguna vez haya perdido.. Lo pensé fuertemente, y trate de ver si no había dejado de darme con alguien que haya sido mas importante, pero la verdad no hay.. recién deje el colegio este año, así que sigo en contacto con la mayoría de mis amigos (puesto que tengo pocos amigos que no haya conocido e el colegio), los únicos que he dejado de ver, son gente que se ha ido cambiando de colegio años antes.. Y este es uno de esos casos...

Dai.. Ese es el nombre de la persona mas importante con la que me deje de dar.. Bueno, por lo menos así le decía yo... Teníamos 10-11 años cuando perdimos el contacto, estábamos en 5to de escuela, así que de repente uno se cuestiona que tanta chance  había de mantener la relación... Recuerdo que hubo un año que mi mejor amigo, Bote,  se fue del colegio, fue en 4to, ya empezado el año, que por temas económicos tuvo que irse del colegio, no estuvo ni un año afuera, ya que al año siguiente pudo reintegrarse, y se hizo un gran esfuerzo por mantenernos en contacto (mayoritariamente fueron nuestras madres, ya que eramos medio chicos) al principio cuando recién se había ido nos veíamos todas las semanas, pero a medida que iba pasando el año nuestras juntadas se iban diluyendo, no llegamos a perder el contacto ni nada cercano a eso, es mas seguíamos siendo muy cercanos, pero cada vez nos veíamos menos, y de no haber sido xq el volvió, probablemente  hubiéramos perdido el contacto, hoy en día nos veríamos en cumpleaños con suerte (a menos que se hubiera dado uno de esos caso en que después de un tiempo se logra retomar el contacto..).. Yo que se en las 2 situaciones paso (o estaba pasando) lo mismo..

Cierto, Dai y yo no eramos MEJORES amigos como lo era con Bote, pero si no mal recuerdo ella me consideraba su mejor amigo varón (era muy de juntarme con las chicas de niño, así que varias opinaban igual que ella, lo que NO significaba que necesariamente fuera realmente amigo de todas, sino que solo era MAS amigo que los otros varones)  la diferencia entre Dai, y varias de las otras chiquilinas que me consideraban mejor amigo varón, era que, si bien Dai no era mi MEJOR amigA, estaba entre las... Eramos muy cercanos, fue una de las 2 "novias" que llegue a tener en la infancia, siendo la otra mi mejor amiga Tone..

El ultimo recuerdo que tengo del ultimo año que estuvimos juntos fue pelearme con ella, ella se enojo conmigo y hubo un cumpleaños en el cual estuve todo el cumpleaños corriendo atrás de ella discutiendo con ella tratando de que me perdone... No lo logre.. La verdad no fueron mas que estupideces de niños.. Tuvimos un lió "amoroso" que nos involucraba a mi, ella y Tone.. Si se dan cuenta mencione a tres personas, suena demasiado para lo que es un tema de "pareja," ¿no? bueno, lo es.. Ta bien, eramos niños y no era una pareja en serio, pero se aplican las mismas reglas, y yo sin quererlo rompí esta... Todavía recuerdo lo mucho que me dolió aquel día que me dijo que no le dijera mas Dai, "Para vos, Daiana" dijo..  Sera una estupidez, pero a mi me pego fuerte, sobre todo considerando que yo era la única persona que le decía Dai, era medio como algo que solo yo tenia con ella, y me lo saco... No me voy a meter en detalles, porque no es el punto, quedara para otro post, pero el tema es que el ultimo año que estuvimos juntos estábamos peleados.. Y evidentemente eso no ayuda a mantener el contacto (Honestamente

Un par de años después me perdono (para ser totalmente honesto, nos "mantuvimos en contacto" atravez del chat... o sea, cada tanto nos saludábamos, nos preguntábamos como estábamos, que hacíamos, y nos decíamos adiós)

En 2do de liceo, después de años sin hablar o siquiera chatear, me invito (junto a un pequeño grupo de gente de mi colegio) a su fiesta de 15, fui, estuve, la salude, pero como era de esperarse, no hable mucho con ella, después de todo era su fiesta, y tenia que pasar tiempo con todos, y seguro prefería pasar el mayor tiempo posible con sus amigos actuales... Esa fue la ultima vez que la vi... Mentira, la he visto alguna vez en alguna fiesta o reunión a la que la invito algún amigo.. ¿Entonces porque no le hable en ninguna? Evidentemente la salude, pero no recuerdo haber mantenido una conversación con ella.. ¿¿Sera cierto entonces que la vi en alguna reunión o fiesta?? ¿O serán recuerdos que invente? Honestamente, no lo se.. Creo que paso, pero no tiene sentido que no hayamos hablado.. Recuerdos reales de haberla visto desde que se fue tengo 2, uno fue entre el final de 5to y el principio de 6to de escuela que fue cuando me entere que no iba a volver, y el otro fue su fiesta de 15...

Hoy dije que era un poco de esperarse que dos niños de menos de 11 años pierdan el contacto si dejaban de tener eso que los unía (en nuestro caso fue el colegio), pero.. ¿de verdad lo es?, Tengo una amiga, que entro al colegio ese mismo año, o al año siguiente de que se fue Dai, que todavía es muuy cercana con su mejor amiga del colegio anterior, creo que tanto como con el grupo de amigas que se armo en mi colegio.. Mi mejor amiga Maca, mantiene una amistad desde antes que eso, cierto no son taan cercanas, pero mantienen el contacto.. Y me he ido enterando que hoy en día mis amigas del colegio están en contacto con Dai, han salido alguna vez junta, y cuando hicieron el viaje a Bariloche en 4to, Dai fue con ellas en vez de con la gente de su colegio... No estoy seguro si mantuvieron el contacto o si lo recuperaron, yo me inclino por la 2da... Pero ¿¿porque no paso conmigo?? Hoy en día Dai tiene mas relación con un tipo de mi colegio que entro después de que ella se fuera (atravez de la gente que ya conocía obvio..) que con migo,  su mejor amigO de la infancia...

Es muy triste.. Y mas triste es pensar que yo tengo, y siempre tuve el poder de evitar eso... Y mas aun es pensar que ella también.. Y que es posible que ella ni siquiera haya pensado todo esto que yo acabo de escribir.. Es probable, suelo pensar mas las cosas que las demás personas.. Es también triste pensar que yo recién ahora, después de 6-7 años lo estoy pensando (si alguna vez se me paso esto por la cabeza antes, pero nunca le di tanta importancia).. Pero.. ¿Sera realmente tan triste? ¿No es bastante común? A mi me entristece..¿Deberia?

Yo que se, hay quienes dicen que hay gente que se supone entre a tu vida y se queden en ella, y ahí gente que se supone entre y después salga y siga de largo sin nunca mas verlos... Y estoy de acuerdo.. Pero ¿Dai es de las que se suponen siga de largo? ES probable, yo creo que si, porque nunca el como se dieron las cosas me inclina a pensar eso... Pero ¿Saben que? No me importa, no me importa cual se supone que sea la intervención de Dai en mi vida, yo no quiero que siga de largo sin nunca mas saber de ella.. No quiero que sea la clase de persona que dentro de unos años me cruce por la calle, o vea en e facebook y me entere que esta casado con 3 hijos y de repente vive en la casa de atrás a la mía... No quiero..

Fue una persona muy importante en mi vida, y honestamente no pretendo recuperar la relación que teníamos totalmente, no pretendo que vuelva a ser tan importante como lo era, pero quiero por lo menos poder seguir en contacto, y enterarme en que va su vida por ella, no me importa si la veo solo dos veces al año en nuestros cumpleaños, no me importa si el máximo contacto que tenemos durante el año es un "feliz navidad" cualquier cosa es mejor que no verla nunca mas, y de repente morir sin nunca saber en que termino su vida.. Ya tengo una amiga con quien había perdido el contacto y lo recupere, y tenemos una relación como la que acabo de describir, y soy feliz con eso, sobre todo sabiendo que hace unos años ni nos hablábamos

Me pongo a pensarlo, y ta, hoy no pasaría, porque todavía tenemos gente en común, pero dentro de unos años, si la cosa sigue así, perfectamente nos podríamos morir sin que el otro se entere.. y no me gusta eso...

Sabes que? si yo quisiera, podría haber retomado, siempre que ella estuviera dispuesta, y sin embargo nunca lo hice.. ¿Porque no lo hice? Podría Hacerlo ahora, tal vez debería, tal vez no... No se sabe que tipo de persona puede haber resultado ser, capaz que es mejor quedarse con el recuerdo de aquella niña a la que quería tanto...

 A veces me pongo a pensar ¿Que hubiera pasado si no se hubiera ido?¿Seguiriamos siendo amigos?¿Siquiera nos hablaríamos? Yo que se, analizando como eramos entonces, imagino que hubiéramos crecido para ser personas muy distintas, como creo que lo somos.. Paso con Tone, paso con Bote, si, igual seguimos siendo amigos, y sigo teniendo muy buena relación con los dos, pero por ejemplo el titulo "mejor amigo/a" se los dejo solo por razones nostálgicas, capaz que a Bote no tanto, porque tampoco tuve después de el otro hombre con una relación destacable como mejor amigo, pero por ejemplo hoy en día tengo a Maca y Sofi que son mis mejores amigAs, y para ser francos, hoy en día Tone tiene una mayor relación con mi hna que con migo... Y yo creo que Dai debe ser aun mas distinta de mi que Tone, sin mencionar que Tone era mi mejor amiga, Dai no., así que probablemente la relación hubiera disminuido aun mas de lo que paso con Tone.. Probablemente  seguiríamos simpatizandonos, y seguro todavía nos llamaríamos amigos, pero la verdad es que intercambiaríamos palabras muy rara vez, probablemente  todavía la invitaría a mis cumpleaños, como hago con varios que están en la situación que describí.. Y si me pongo a pensarlo, suena a poco, pero es mas aun de lo que dije que para mi  seria suficiente relación recuperada...

La verdad es que extraño a Dai, me pregunto que es de su vida, me pregunto si ese novio que tiene es suficientemente bueno para ella,.. Y tengo todo el poder para recuperar su "amistad", y para responderme todas esas preguntas que tengo, y quiero hacerlo, pretendo hacerlo, pero ¿Realmente voy a?¿Y si termina siendo una de esas cosas que uno siempre habla de hacer, pero al final nunca las cumple?¿Y si intento hacerlo, pero ella no tiene ningún interés?

¿Me extrañara ella a mi?

Elle me manque

Cutting Off

Yeah, so I thought about it for a while, and I decided to take some blogs off my follow list, I realised that I had blogs that I was no longer intrested in, and I kept loosing time visitng those blogs when there was a new post, and I either ended up not reading it, or reading it and not finding it interesting at all...

Some I cut off, cause I realised that for some reason I did no longer care about what theiwrote (whith all due respect of course), but asi I said, I visited their blogs, but hardly ever read them, even thought these were teh blogs of two very interesting ladys, and whith very interesting things to say, for some reason I just wasbn't attracted to this blogs.. (These were the only english speaking bloggers I knew, so, there may be some spanish post coming your way, since I don't longer "HAVE2 to writ everything in english now..)

Others I cut off because I didn't like what they wrote, other just wrote about topics that are not of my intrest.. Ther was another one that posted some intersting stuff, but I really didn't think it was something worth following.. I read some thigs they posted and I don't think I need to read anymore..

So now, I have a list of 8 blogs I follow (you can read 10 on my list, but 2 of them are innactive and I just kepep them for "emotive" reasons) it's actually more than I would like, but I'm not sure of cutting any of these off, I mean there are 2 that I'm still considering, but I'm not sure, and the other 6 I'm set on keeping..

Now, I know this isn't reason enoguh to make a post, but I wanted to, it's my 1st (and probably only) big cut, and I think that I've set my definitive blog list, I have no intention of changing it any further (exept for those 2 blogs I mentioned I might cut loose) I hacve no interest on visiting any new blogs (I don't know, maybe someday I'll see somone whith such interesting opinions, that I choose to go get a peek at his blog.. but for now I'm set whith this blogs)


C'est Tout!!

And yet again..

You know.. I think I've had just about enough (not that it means I'm gonna act on it, knowing me I'll just end up keeping it to myself forever ¬¬)

I enter facebook, just to check if there's anything new, and guess what?? THERE WAS!!!  Scrolling down the "news" page, I came across an album labeled "Don Trigo 19.03.11" ok maybe the don trigo it's not obvious, but whats very clear that this is an album from last weekend, and it seems that it turns out that it's a night that my friends went out dancing.. Not that they ever bothered to tell me or anything.. Nah, y worry? Who the hell is gonna care but me??..
-ok I gotta explain, that in a way our "group" of friends is a group composed by a bunch of subgroups, I mean, inside the group there are people who get along between each other than whith others, so there's a grouop inside the group, and sometimes it happens that one person belongs to more than one group, you know, kinda like there are different combinations of people.. you know, the big "group" is over 20 people, so you can't really pretend everyone to be friends whith everyone, and you can't pretend that every time you go out, the whole 20 are gonna be there so well that's just a basic explaniation of how our group works..(I don't know if I made myself clear)-
So, that being said, it's obvious that when a certain combination of my friends get together, I'm not gonna expect to be invited.. And sometimes, when I get together whith my friends, I don't invite ALL of them (sometimes I do, 'cause I like being all together).. But if one of the groups that I belong to don't invite me when they go out, I will get ofended, sorry I can't help it (and I have every right)

In this night out, not many of my friends seemed to be involved, in fact in the album only 7 people were taged, the thing is, that they have ABSOLUTELY no reason not to invite me, you see aplying my "groups rule" I came to notice that those 7 people were from at least 3 different groups, and guess what?? I belong to all of 'em... In fact there was only one of the 7 that isn't actually a friend, and even whith him we get along just fine so why?? Sure, being 7 you can tell that I'm not the only one out, my guess is that most people didn'tgo 'cause they couldn't /didn't want to, you know, being in college this things tend to happen, 'cause there's no way they organized a night out between only the 7 of them (they just wouldn't).. I'm not saying that I'm the only poor little bastard in the group, maybe somone else is in my exact same position.. wouldn't know though..
You know, it was bad enough when they didn't invite me when we were still in high school together.. Sure they could use one of their pathetic excuses like how they just plan this along the week and they don't really invite anyone, they just talk about it throw the week in the school hallways, and if you were lucky enough to be in one of those conversations, you knew that they were going out, so you had a chance to join them (this is actually true, but I think it's wrong, it's like they don't care if everyone goes or not).. But now what? you're gonna tell men that they just all happened to run into each other?? Plus not being all together in class anymore, they should start caring more about keeping in tocuh, you're not gonna tell me that they don't care about keeping in touch whith me right?? And you know what else makes it worse than before?? the fact that one of those who went out, knew about how they made me feel left out by pulling this crap.. I mean, we talked about it during the trip! (sure, not that I ever got anyone to apologyze, they just had some vbery great excuses for themselves..)
You know I hate thinking about what I wrote on the last post saying I missed them, and then it turns out that I "could" have seen them, turns out that they miss EACH OTHER too (apereantly not me, but what else is new??)
You know, I'm just super mad, but I'm gonna save all I have to say to them untill after I've talked to somone who know exactly whatthe situation is.. 'cause I don't wanna go yelling at them or anything, to find out that this time they actually had a good excuse.. I dunno, I'll start by talking to Maca and Sofi, who weren't there, but probably heard about it from Fifo, so I guess it's a good place to start..
Ain't it  just great to know that our relationship hasn't changed even though we are not together anyomre??


Est'ce-que je n'ai pas les meilleurs amis du monde???



Update: ok so today I find myself browsing through facebook, and I read a coment from one friend to another.. It was something telling him about how they didn't see each other anymore now that he had started college (all joking of course) and this other friend replyed something about how it was his fault 'cause he didn't go here or there (still joking..) and one of the here and theres was st patrick's day.. Wanna hear something funny??  last weekend, in one of the meetings they DID inivte me too, one of my friends (the one who usually plans the nights out) told us about going out on st patrick's, but he mentioned it as a maybe, 'cause he ahd to see if it wasn't too expensive and stuff like that.. When st patricks came and went I asumed that they ended up doing nothing.. Silly me to tgink that the fact they didn't tell me meant that they didn't go...  Reading this friend's wall (the planner aka Lupi) I read that another friend had asked him when was this whole irish thing, when she asked it was too late (and that was what he told her) and she replied that they could have told her.. the answer was obviously "It wasn't a matter of telling people" sure why bother telling anyone? it's not like we don't read your mind! and for those who don't know what's going on.. well WHO CARES?? you still got to go out and have some fun, so screw them! who cares if your already loosing contact after only 2 weeks of not being together in class?..
SEriously.. when my sister got to college the problem she had whith her friends was that they devoted their life to the university, so it became really hard to plan anything whith them (they still keep in touch and everything, but still, they're less in touch that they could have been) I trully hoped that my friends weren't like that, and you know what? they're not! they still go out, and even though they have the university, and are starting to make new friends, they still have save plenty of time for their friends.. For some reason this isn't helping ME to keep in touch whith them.. wonder why that could be?

A little brightness

Ok, this is a stupid useless post, I just finished a phone conversation whith my best friend Sofi, and I felt this litlle happiness "shock".. And I immediately remembered my blog, and how I usually only write the sad/bad things that happen to me.. So in a way my blog ended up being kind of a dark place (let's face it, whithout the travel posts, this blog would be extremely depressive), and I don't really like it.. I mean O know it's kinda bound to happen, given the use I give to it.. But I would however like to bright it up a bit, and, since I don't have any BIG happy things (not that the bad things I post about are that big) going on right this instant (don't get me wrong, it's not like a have a miserable life or anything like that, in fact I'm very happy, it's just I have like the happines is a general thing in regular messures, whith no big "manifests", and the sad things are more of a recurrive thing whith bigger "manifestsW than the happines.. So in the end I don't get to post any happy things..

So here's a little happy conversation whith my best friend:

So, earlier this afternoon, while I was in the University I got a text message from her asking me at what time do I get in tomorrow, from there, I started replying  and reading her replies during my breaks.. It turns out she wants to have lunch tomorrow before I get to class, you know, just to catch up.. After a while of her not answering my messages asking where to meet at at what time I decided to call, 'cause it was getting late, and we either settled today or we settled today, so I called her, and we had a little chat and settled everything.. (we settled to meet tomorrow at 12 at her house, and we'll see what to do there, but that's unimportant).. The thing is that after we hung up it left me whith this "small" feeling of happines.. We haven't seen each other since  I went to pick her up at the airport, which wasn't all that long ago, but it still left me this little nostalgyc feeling (in a good way) I haven't seen anyone from schol ever since I started College, and ever before that (well just two persons, one I crossed in the street for 3 seconds, and whith the other we took the bus from the University together but still) I really do miss my friends, I really do miss having them whith me all day, I actually miss high school.. (the funny thing is that talking to my brother today, I realised that even if I DO miss it, I wouldn't go back, don't know why.. maybe I just feel that that stage of my life is over and in a way I like that).. I don't know, I'm just glad we are meeting, and I'm glad I talked to her..

It's weird, but I feel like in a way the people I'm meeting  do not really measure up whith my "old" friends .. you'r probably thinking, sure you feel that way you'r just starting there.. But seriously I thought about it that way, and even though the quitances I'm making are nice and are the same "kind" of people my general group of friends is/was and the kind of people I generaly like, they're not the same.. I don't know it's like they kinda fell in a different "sub-category" of that type of people... Trust me, I know what I'm saying.. There  are actually 4 or 5 people that feel like the people I REALLY REALLY like, but the others (and I'm just talking about like 7-9 people in agroup of 40) don't really "fasinate" me.. I'm not saying I'm not ganna befriend them or anything, I still like them, but it feels like they'll never messure up..

See?? even for a happy post, it ended up whith a little bit of a "sad" part.. No, but seriously, I'm happy, and I'm making new friends at the University, and I like them, I'm just nostalgyc, and I know that my current friends are more my kind of people than SOME of the guys at the University.. But then  again in the conversation I had whith my brother today, he mentioned something about how he would go back to his 1st year of college 'cause he is such a different person than he was when he first started (and he's right).. And maybe that's it, maybe it's the how I'll change, that will make the rest of this group of people more my kind..

I don't know, maybe I'm just speaking nonesense this post has gonne way out of topyc, I just started making it up as I wrote it.. It truly is nothing like I pictured in my head.. (I kinda accidentaly combined the post I wanted to write today, whith anotherone I had planned in my head)

Freaky me..

Let me star by saying, that when I say freak, I speak of a specific type of freak.. I mean the comic book freak (actually graphic novels, but whatever), the anime freak, the super hero freak, the comic conventions freak.. That type of freak..

You know, it's bad enough to have some jerks telling you that is wrong to be the way you are (luckyly, I don't anymore, and I hardly had any through my life) but when your own family says that...

I mentioned before, and it's something that I think I'll never get COMPLETELY over (but I am pretty near that), that about 3 years ago my own father told me and my sibilings (particularly my brother and I, and specially my brother) that he didn't like the way we were.. Sure, he knew we were good peopl, and wehad nice principles etc etc, and he did vaalue that, but the fact of us being freaky (I wasn't actually all that freaky back then, (not that I am all that freaky now) but I was something like that) and not liking sports was stronger than that.. Sure he apologyzed the day after, and he "came to terms" whith the way we are, but I know he'd still rather us being sportive and all that.. In a way we both moved past that, and in a way we are both still stucked whith it.. It reflects on they way we both feel whenever he throws a coment like "hey wanna go to the stadium tomorrow?" (or things like that) when he knows we don't want to.. And we immediately redirect that comment to the night when he sayed all thos bad things..

Well.. as I said my father isn't all that big an issue now, and my other never was.. but our sisters kinda are.. I mean they both judge our friends and stuff (I gotta say though, that my older sister V, isn't all that bad.. I think she kinda accepts the way we are.. sure she judges our friends and dislikes freakism, but when it comes to us she's kinda cool about it.. for example she helped us make our costumes for a convention once, 'cause she studying fashion, and she knows a lot more than us about making clothes), but my little sister R, she just hates freakism, and believes everyone should be "normal" like she and her friends are.. and we are not the exception in her book..

We once got into an argument whith her because we heard her and her worst bunch of friends talking about other people at school, and they were extrevelly mean, judging a freaky girl, and two brazilian girls for having brazilian accent, complaining that apparently they were just trying to stand out (like if that made any sense, and like if it was a bed thing).. Another time we got into a fight because she and V, dislike our new friends (the X-men) and think they are too freaky..(some of them are just as freaky as we are, so I don't really understand them)..

Today (actually yesterday now)R, N and I were in the kitchen, making lunch to eat whith our parents who were comming back home from being the weekend away, when V's boyfriend came in accomplanyed by two of V and R's friends (mostly V's).. These ones are nice people, and I have nothing against them, so we small talked while they were here (they came to get something and go back to a hockey game where V was playing), they saw an easter egg which "shocked" them a tiny bit, cause it isn't easter yet, so my brother explained that he knows they only sell them two weeks a year, so he buys them any chance he gets during the two weeks, cause he doesn't eat them only at easter..
When these people left, R started arguing 'cause he embarrased her infront of her friends whith weird talk and stuff (she also complains that we use "weird" words  (which actually are cultured people-words) and says we should talk the "way teens should") so this led on to a  whole argument that ended up on how we were freaks and how that was wrong.. And how we should be normal, like she and her friends are! She says that is wrong for us to like comic books and super heroes 'cause it's not ok for people our age.. Sure it's ok for her and her friends to watch disney movies that were actually ment for ten year olds 'cause that's "normal".. (I don't mean the classic animated pictures, I like those, they were big part of my childhood, and I don't think it's wrong at all to watch those no matter your age.. I mean those stupid musicals they do now at days.. like hsm and stuff).. I asked her to take a moment and think how hurtfull were these things she was saying, you know, saying that the way we are is wrong, to us, her own brothers.. But of course, she stook to what she was saying..But why should I be surprised? We're talking about a girl that used to yell hurtfull stuff to us (this includes V) over the smallest disagreement.. I mean, sure, who hasn't lost it and yelled something mean to a sibiling? god knows I have, but she yelled these things even before loosing it, perfectly consious of what she was saying, and actually trying to hurt us (we knew she was trying to hurt us, so we didn't pay much attention to what she said, but it always hurt a little (at least to me) that she even tryed to hurt us).. Of course we did called her hollow ('cause she actually is, and I'm usually fine whith it, but the moment she started critisizing my way of beying, I just didn't care anymore).. She denyed being so (at least we admit our freakism) and asked me for examples, which I gave, but she didn't think they were valid 'cause of course EVERYONE does that, or at least everyone who's "normal" (which isn't actually true)..

Eventually (once the fight was over) dad and mom came back, and the fight topic eventually came up.. So my father tryed to analize the situation and see what the situation was.. So he was in the kitchen whith R and N, and he asked N "but couldn't it be that you like to play freak?".. sure, in an other situation this question would've been just fine, but right then, it meant that he had taken sides.. maybe out of contest it's not that obvious, but trust me, it meant that (a while later my mother said this exact same thing to me, so trust me, he took sides.. and he took HER side.. no surprizecoming from him).. So this led to a fight between him and N, where N insulted him (he was actually out of line).. And while they were fighting I was whith my mother and R, talking things through, and my mother did the right thing and actually said she was wrong (which my father didn't) and told her there was no reason for her to be ashamed by us, and that the words we used weren't weird, and (in a nice way) told her she actually was kinda hollow, and just as we shouldn't judge her, she shouldn't judge us.. Of course this did not change her mind but still, it's nuce to see somone sees things the way they are... After this, my sister spent the whole day in a bad mood, and took the defensive on EVERYTHING...

So basically, both my sister and my dad are jerks, and my father, really hasn't changed much in the inside (as I always thought, gotta give him a LITTLE credit for trying to hide it just not to hurt us, though..)
This gets me thinking.. and I remember those times when my brother says he actually hates R, and we all tell him that he's too harsh on her, and that he can't hate her, she's his sister, and he overreacts to her hallownes.. And I think of days like today, and think "how can I blame him?" ok, I'm just overreacting and being dramatic.. sure she's still my sister, and I DO still love her.. but at times like this I actually think she doesn't deserve it.. and I think how am I supoused to act from now on? she never apologyzed, and she still feels all those things, so I should be still mad at her.. but she won't say she's sorry, and she won't change her mind. at least not in the near future, so I can't stay mad to my sister forever...
I just hate how she acts like she hates discrimination and racism, but then she does this, I mean, this is discriminating too.. it actually is

C'est ma famille!!

1st Day

So today was my very 1st day of college.. My first class was at 2 o'clock.. A friend from school drove me there, well actually her mother but she was there too.. (I asked her if she wanted to take the bus together, since our universityes are only 5 blocks away, and she told me her mother had to go down there so she offered me a ride)

The moment I got out of the car I was all alone for the rest of the day.. Of course I expected it.. It was only my first day.. Although it was better than I expected..

I had introduction to administrations, that got cut short 'cause they gave us a little welcoming to the university, and then a full 2 and a half hours of physics... (don't get me wrong, I like physics, but two hours and a half in a classroom full of strangers.. well, it felt  like the clock handless weren't moving as much as they should)

Fortnuately, the girl that sat next to me I had met her last year in an event from the university (where they help you choose whether or not you want to go to that university, and what engeneering in particular you want to study) and she is quite sociable, so we exchanged a few words (I'm not gonna say that we became bff or anything, but it helped to get through the day whithout feeling COMPLETELY alienated).. Of course that in the brakes, she went straight to meet whith her friends ('cause she's fortunate enough to have some in the university) that were either sitting somewhere else in the class or  in the other class (we are about 80 students divided into 2 classes of arround 40), so in the brakes I was again all alone.. but I guess that'll pass whith time..

Europe - Part I: Italy

Okey! I've got to stop fricking postponing this, so here it goes!
- I must warn you, that since this are the 1st 15 days of the trip, and I have a huge disabilty to make things short, this post is probably going top be freakishly long-

Ok,so this trip started on January 1st, we met whith the whole travel group at the airport, where we did the check in, and we each got our trip t-shirt (nothing to showy, just a white t-shirt that read "ITALIA"  on the front, and "GENERACION 2010" on the back...). When the time to leave came, most people had a very emotive goodbye whith their families, (I just had a slightly-more-emotive-than-usual goodbye.. 'cause, sure it was going to be 40 days appart, but that ment that I knew that in 40 days I was going to be seeing them again)..

So we left our families, and after not too much time on the free shop, we had to board the plane, we had arround  3 hours of fligh (I think) to Sao Paolo, where we had to wait 6 hours if I remeber correclty, and then a very long flight to Milano..

We got to Milano on January 2nd sometime arround 12, and everyone immediatly started getting their jackets/coat/whatever on 'cause apparently it was too cold (to be honest, I would have been perfectly fine whith just a sweater) So we got on our bus, and we headed to Torino, we spent qute a few hours ina place called "la reggia di Venaria" which is basically like a palace/museum (note: every time you read reggia, in some place's name, that means that that place is a palace -or something like that-).. And since we had arrived that very same day, and we had had a long trip from Milano to Torino after the reggia we headed straight to the hotel.. Where we had dinner and after some time hanging out in some friends' room we headed of to sleep (to save some time, this was generaly the routine once we got back to the hotel)
I'll remind you that ina previous post I wrote about how my friends had ditched me in the whole room-matter, so even though the people I was shareing rooms whith ARE my friends, they are not the friends I wanted to share rooms whith

The next day we did some more time on Torino.. We visteded the (blue one, you'll love this, I know I did) "Museo Egizio" (which obviously means egyptian museum) and a lot of other stuff, like an Immitation of a medieval casttle and  a cinema museum (where there were a lot of unnimportant things, and some very interesting ones), on the top of the museum there was a gazer where you could see the whole town which was simply beautifull.. And then we had some shopping time in the area and then back to the hotel, where after the usual hanging out in some friends' room, we moved the "hang-out" to the room that "belonged" to my 2 best friends: Maca and Sofi and who I guess could be called my runner up best friend: Fifo.. By 12 o'clock, in the room there where just the room "owners", me, Fede (a friend) and on of  my "room-mates": Mati. AT 12:15 they sent us to sleep, and Fede and I obeyed (Mati hid under a bed), but a few minutes later I came back.. Now since the paranoid chaperone (who happens to be the one that guides the whole trip so she travels almost every year) spent the rest of the night wandering in the corridors, we couldn't leave the room, so we ended up putting the three beds together and sleeping all five of us there. -It was in this night that Maca broke the 1st of the two beds that my group of friends would brake during the trip (I don't know how many beds the other one's broke, but I bet there were more than ours), we didn't manage to fix this beds, but we did manage to hide the damage pretty well, so noone ever found out- The next day Mati and I had to wake up pretty early to be back in our room before the chaperones saw us.  (I promise the other days won't be as long as this one...:/)

On the 4th we went to Milano (yeah I know, given that we landed in Milano, it would have been much smarter to visit Milano first, instead of leaving and then coming back.. but I don't plan the trip). On the way to Milano we stopped on the football stadium "San Siro".. In Milano, we walked throw the gallery "Vittorio Emanuele II", we went to the "piazza del duomo" (piazza=square, duomo=cathedral) and we entered the "duomo di Milano" (One of my favorite cathedralls).. We also went to the "cenacolo vinciniano" which is where Leonardo da Vinci's last supper is, and I gotta say, that watching something you've heard about for so many years in the "flesh" is very shocking

5th.. We went to Verona (Romeo and Julliet's city) which is a gorgeous city which is filled whith romantic traditions, for example: in what supposedly is Julliet's house, couples write their names in the walls (it's kinda cute, but it ruins the walls a bit..) and on bridges and wells, couples put a padlock whith their names and throw the key (into the river or the well). On Julliet's house, there's a statue of Julliete, that involves a certain tradition.. I don't know if it's to come back to the city, or to have luck in love, but when tourists visit verona, they go up to this statue and grab/tocuh Julliet's right boob, you can actually see that the boob is worn out.. Needless to say we all did it.. (and just so you get an idea of how long it took, we were 52 people, and that's just counting the students..I think we were about 60 whith the chaperones) on our free time (we got free time in almost every city) I went off whith the group of friends I actually wanted to share rooms whith.. we came across a so called love well, where you had to throw a coin to have luck in love.. we all did it, but mostly out of tradition, and then we just wandered arround the city.. we also climbed a hill, that had a casttle on top.. sure there were steps, but they were a lot and it was tireing.. Then we went back at the hotel.. where after dinner almost everyone went out dancing, I stayed just like my "room-mates", my life-long best friend: Tone (she's kinda like my childhood best friend) and a whole bunch of other people I hardly ever get together whith, but since we where the only ones left in the hotel, we joined them, we had a surprisingly good time, we "mumifyed" Tone whith toilet paper, and we walked her all the way to the room where the only chaperone that stayed behind (to take care of us) was, and when he went to oppen the door he appeared wearing just a towell, so it ended up being funnier than we expected. (ok, it's probably childish fun but I don't care, I got to have a good laugh whith my childhood best friend, whith whom I hardly ever hang out that way anymore)

Venezia! beautifull city (I don't get why half the people hated it) I gotta say, we had the worst weather that day, so that may have influenced.. We visited "il palzio ducale" (you guessed it, another palace!), the "piazza san Marco" (wich is the typical Italian square full of pigeons) we  had the first and only snowfall we would see in Italy, and I gotta say, it was a small one, but still everyone was very exited.. We also saw the rialto bridge (the typical ventian bridge), and the Harry's Bar. And yes of course we got on a gondola, and we had a half an hour tour, which again, half the people hated.. Just a clarification, not all the gondoliers sing.. some of them do, if you ask them, but some of our friends who asked, got this answer "the gondolier doesn't sing, he works." ours didn't sing either..

7th, we went to a city called Ravenna, which has nothing of special other than Dante's grave, which is very small (it still is qute pretty) there are some  other stuf there, like a church whith a pretty mosaic, but nothing worth mentioning.. I gotta say, that night at the hotel I had one the most fun nights I had in the whole trip, it was the first time that we got together whith almost my whole group of friends and we had a "water party" it was just a bunch of people hanging out whith a lot of botteled water.. Again we had some childish fun, like for example the girls (Maca, Fifo and Sofi) tryed on weird hair-dos (Fifo got a "Leia-do", it acctually wasn't even remotly alike, and she knew it.. but she at leas tryed) and they straightened Franco's hair (another friend, a male friend...), and Matteo's fringe.. The point, is that it was a fun, lame, childish hung out..

On the 8th and the morning of the 9th, we went to Firenze (Florence) Another wonderfull city.. We saw Michelangelo's David, (another shocking moment) we saw the Santa Maria del Fiore (another cathedral, and anotherone of my favorite cathedrals, even though in the inside it's just a regular cathedral, I somehow love it's outside and I always have.. after all, it's the outside that counts ;P), and we got to the top of it's bell tower, where u get an awesome view of the city (it was arround 300 steps..) .. We saw the "palazzo Pitti", the "Santa Croce" (another church, where Galileo and Michelangelo are burryed, and where Dante has it's own grave.. even though his body is in Ravenna) and The "palazzo degli Uffizzi"

After leaving Firenze, on the 9th, we went to a little city called Siena, there aren't much famous things there..  But they have this neighborhoods they call contrade (they're usually named after animals), and they kinda work like sports teams, being the contrada where you were born your team, and they have this competitions arround the year, being the most important one a horse race on the main square.. it's all kind of insane, and they are like extremelly fanatic, it's very fun, and you see all this little stores, where you can buy pens, flags, magnets, etc whith the diferent contrade.. The reason why  we like this city so much (besides the fact that is quite pretty) is that dor a few years in our school, they held a competition (that had nothing to do whith horse races but still) they took the three oldest generations, and divided them into  arround 8-10 groups, and each group was assigned a contrada, and each group had to make flags, make a costume for a mascot, etc.. My contrada was Tartuca, which is kind of like a mix up of the words turttle in spanish and italian, because the dialect from siena has spanish influences.. so GO TARTUCA.. (my contrada was too far away, so I didn't have enough time to get all the way there and back ¬¬, I still got a pretty flag thoug..)

Assisi, was the city we visited on the 10th, it's a wonderfull city.. we visited Santa Chiara's church (outside Assisi), "Basilica di San Francesco" and  "Tampio di Minerva" both churches, and I'm sure we saw one or two other churhces there (a lot of churches for such a little city)

From the afternoon of the 10th, to the 12th we stayed in Roma.. The first night we stayed there we had some free time before dinner, so a bunch of us just took the subway to see the "Fontana di Trevi" and the "piazza Spagna" at night (we were going to get to see them whith the school during day time, but since we couldn't think of anything we werent doing whith the school that we could do at night, we decided to get a good look at this things during night, and it was totally worth it (I somehow ended up throwing 3 coins into the fountain..)
In the following days, we saw the coloseum, th "fontana di trevi" again (but this time, we sat down in front of it to eat ice cream) the "Castel Sant' Angelo", the Vatican and it's museums, the sixteenth chappel (another moment of shock), San Pietro's Basilica (unnessesaryly big) and we went all the way to it's dome (and after 300 steps by elevator, we still had to walk 250 more, which was worth it just to get that view.. We walked through "via del corso" (a famous street whith lots of stores) and we had a hearing whith the Pope..
During our time in Rome I had a fight whith this group of friend (Matteo, Franco, Fede & Lupi)I wanted to share rooms whith, it was about some very stupid things, but it acctually helped, 'cause it brought up old stuff that always bothered me, and I never got arround to say to them.. it was healthy to finally get that stuff out of the way.. And while I was still mad whith them, I had a deep hones talk whith Mati (because being angry at them, the whole room issue came up) ad bothe him and I addmited that even though we were happy and comfortable sharing the rooms whith each other, neither of us was in the room we wanted to..

Napoli, is just like any other city, just that it has a lot of garbage on the streets.. sure, maybe if you took the garbage out it would be a bit prettyer than other cittyes, but it still has nothing speciall, all it has (or at least all we saw) was an extremelly borring museum (and I like museums).. After Napoli's Museum we went to Pompei, which was very interesting, and I really liked it..

On the 14th, we visited a bunch of cityes on the "Costiera Amalfitana", it's just a beautifull place, and even though it's scarry, it's a beautifull view you get while riding on the bus, on the side off the mountain next to the see.. After the bus ride, we took a little boat (not because the bus couldn't reach the place we where going, just for fun) and got a different but still beautifull view (seriously that place is gorgeous), And on the beach that we took the boeat, some of us, took our shoes of and got our feet in the water, since we were having such a nice weather..

On our last day in Italy, I was sharing room whith just one of my previous "room-mates" (the one that wasn't mati, his name is Roni btw), and one of 2 things happened that morning, either our chaperones didn't give our room the wake-up call, or they did, but they didn't care that noone answered, cause neither of us heard the phone ring.. Thank god, my friend Ruggiu, was looking for me at breakfast to give me back a sweater I had lef in her room, so she realised I wasn't there, so after everyone finished eating, an extremely loud door knocking woke me up, and it was Ruggiu coming to wake us up.. In the hurry I had (because I had like, 10 minutes to dress up, brush my teeth and finish making the bags, and have no brakfast at all ¬¬) I started changing whthouth realising she hadn't left the room, not that I cared at the time.. On that day, we visited the reggia di casserta (very pretty, kinda lik I pictured Versailles), and a small pretty city called orvieto, whith nothing but a small churhc, and some shops..

On that night, after dinner, where Franco, Tone and each of the chaperones gave  a speech (it WAS the last night),.. The guys that were following the trip whith me (which happen to be the ones I wanted to share rooms whith plus 3 others) and I had to leave, to start our own idividual trip.. The school's trip  acctually finished the next day, after visiting Pisa (which I didn't get to see) but we screwed up whith the times and everything, so we had to take on our own a train all the way to Milano (because that's were we though we would be by then.. we missed by one night) where our Plain to Prague was leaving.. So we went down to the hotel's lobby,  to wait, where most of the people was waiting for us.. So we all sat and waited for the taxis together, until they finally arrived one by one (it took us three cabs, cause we were 8 plus luggage.. plus a chaperone that came whith us to the train station) and we had our very emotive Goodbye (I still was totally unable to cry.. damn me..)  I left on the last cab, whith two other of my travel-mates, and three girls from the school's travel group, among who were Tone and Silvi (who happens to be the girlfriend of one of my travel-mates) it was nice to have Tone there at the train station to say goodbye.. And Silvi is also a childhood  friend so..
When we got to the station, The girls stayed for like 5 minutes, and then sayed goodbye to everyone.. AGAIN.. and then left whith the chapperone... And that was it.. According to the way I see it, that was when our trip whith the school ended.. we were all alone..

The Murderer Orange..

Ok.. I guess in a way this is the end of a five-chaptered story..  For a while now I've been talking about this girl.. let's just call her murderer orange now (funny name, right? ^^) since it was her who brought the inspiration for the whole murderer orange thing (let's clarify that I didn't name this blog that way 'cause I liked her, but because the murdurer orange became an inside joke between a group of friends of mine, and because she (and another girl from that group) where the ones who "inspired" me to open my own blog), and since now she knows who she is, so there's no need to avoid obvious nicknames..

I'm gonna take advantage of the fact that this girl knows her identity to say soemthings I left unmentioned.. I met this girl a bit less rthan a year ago in a comic convention and she was part of a group of cosplayeres that like mine, where doing x-men cosplays.. Because of this coincidence, we started getting together as a group (I mentioned this group a few times before, it obvyously is the group I call x-men).. I already thought she was pretty when I saw her at the convention, and as we started knowing each other I started to develope a crush on her.. The thing was: she had a boyfriend..

Now, on the last post I mentioned that a window seemed to open up, I'll clarify now, that this window was her breaking up whith her boyfriend, and as I said on my las post I wasn't gonna jump in right away because that would seem oportunistic, and even if I jumped in my principal objective was to get this thing out of my chest..

I also mentioned that this window was probably gonna be closing in the near future (I also said that the window was never actually opened for me since she saw me as just a friend).. Well, this closing, was the fact that she and a mutual friend of ours, had been getting together as friends before she and her boyfriend broke up, and they noticed that there was "something" between them, so the window was closing even before it opened..

So, what happened was that 2 days ago I talked to this mutual friend, and here I confesed that she was the girl on the posts, and it was then that he told me about this "thing" between them..

Now.. I don't know exactly how things went down, but they apparently talked to each other, so the murderer orange sent me a facebook message saying she wanted to talk to me about this.. So, for lack of a better mean, we discussed the whole thing on the facebook's chat...

She was actually feeling guilty for the fact that I never stood a chance, since I watched her have a relationship whith her boyfriend, and immediatly after they broke up this friend told me that something might happen between them in the future.. I of course told her that she had noting to be sorry for and I explained taht even before she and her boyfriend broke up I was ready to try moving on  (of course I never got to, because I wanted to tell her how I felt before moving on, and the first chance I got to do so, I wasted it, and before a second chance prestented itself, our mutual friend dropped the bomb on me)

We went on and on, talking about this.. we ended up  perfectly ok, and we are still going to be friends (which as I said in another post, makes me very happy)

So.. there you go.. I never got to tell her myself how I felt.. she had to find out by somone else.. which kinda sucks.. And we had to disscuss the whole thing on facebook chat which isn't so great either.. And now in a not so far future, I may have to watch them be together.. But I'm making my peace whith it, and hopefully by that time I will have moved on, cause I'm still thinking of doing so.. I even have a new "target" (for lack of a better word) in mind, and I've had it in mind for quite sometime now so who knows... But the problem is, taht given this recent events I'm not sure if I'm ready to move on.. I mean it's still very recent, and I don't know.. it seems like being whith somone else right now may feel weird.. but I also don't want to remain stucked in this unnecesary drama I've created for myself.. So probably if nothing of what I mentioned in this las 2 posts had happened, I would probably be happily moving on or about to.. So in a way it was good to get all this shit out of the way.. but in a way it only got me stuck in this whole issue again (of course that it's just temporary but still.. it sucks..)

LA FIN!!

P.S: - the bird (the suirrel and the mano pelada too) bites- I'm not giving this people's identityes, 'cause I don't think it would be apropiate for me to do so, I think they have the right to remain unnamed if they want so..

P.P.S: Naranja Asesina: quiero aclarar que si bien tengo este "crush", ninguna de mis acciones con respecto a vos fueron inspiradas por otra cosa que un sentimiento de amistad (por dar un ejemplo, mis intervenciones en tu blog, como aquellas veces que te dije que estaba cuando me necesitaras, por algun problema que habias posteado).. O sea, capaz que la primera vez que lei tu blog fue principalmente por que me gustas.. Pero despues todo lo demas, es porque me caes muy bien mas alla de que me gustes o no (obvio que el que me gustes siempre estuvo presente pero no siempre fue lo principal).. Mi punto es que nuestra amistad es totalmente genuina, no fue todo xq me gustaras ni nada.. solo queria que supieras.. como te dije, de verdad me gusta ser tu amigo ^^  (no se si el blog es el lugar correcto para decirte esto.. de seguro hubiera sido mejor decirlo en la conversacion de hoy, pero no me di cuenta en el momento, y de verdad queria decirte esto, pero tenia miedo de retomar el tema y ponerte en una situacion incomoda.. DE NUEVO)

Since you wanted it so badly...

Europe can sit and wait! As I promissed I am going to post about the trip, but not yet.. There's somethiong else I need to get out of my chest...

Well, there's this girl I like.. a lot (I mentioned her in some posts: http://murderer-orange.blogspot.com/search/label/Murderer%20Orangee), but she had a boyfriend.. So this ment that there was no chance for me.. at all..

Some time ago, I decided to tell her how I felt anyway, just to get it out of my system, and to find out what she thought of me.. I wasn't expecting anything out of it, I never even hoped for her to give her boyfriend up just for me.. a guy she met less than a year ago.. In fact, I was actually ready to move on, I was even thinking of other girls I could try asking out (I even had one in particular in mind already )

Before I could even try to tell her, a little window of opportunity opened up, a tiny chance precented itself.. My first thought was "well, I can't jump in RIGHT now, I'm going to seem like an opportunist (and as I explained that wasn't the case)..

Virtually no time passed before I learned that she saw me as nothing but a good friend (not because SHE told me).. And that this window may be closing soon enough, and it's gonna close in a way that's particularly... well it's kind of like somone just dropped a bomb on me... not a big one, but a bomb anyway (I can't really explain why this way of closing feels this way because it just wouldn't be right.. again, for reasons that I can not explain)

So, to sum up: somone dropped a bomb on me, the window that opened was nothing but a cruel joke (not to mention it was never really opened to me), I found out that the girl I like so much, can't think of me as anything but a friend, and I didn't even got to take that load out of my chest, because I never got to talk about it whith her, I never got to hear it from her lips, and now I'm never gonna, because it seems kind of stupid now to even mention this directly to her..EVER

ça craint

Just One Thing:

Europe rules..