Stupid Name

Ok, why on earth did I name this blog murderer orange AFTER the post named murderer orange?? I though about it a few weeks ago, and I decided it was time to "do something" about it...I mean, it had nothing to do with that, I mean, it's been murderer-orange.blogspot.com every since I made it, but I was stupid enough to give the name another meaning when I wrote Murderer Orange (the post) I think the really stupid thing was calling her murderer orange, 1st of all  it's a stupistupidstupid "code"-name for a person (seryosuly what was I thinking??), 2nd of all it gives the blog's URL a different meanig, which I want to clariffy (in case anyone intepreted it that way) it does not have..That was the real mistake, but after making the mistake, it was an equally bad mistake naming the blog that name..

Anyway, bringin this post-taht-no-one-cares-about, to an end, I guess I'm going back to being untitled.. I really hate this name now, even no name at all is better than this..

Je suis untitled

The Murderer Orange..

Ok.. I guess in a way this is the end of a five-chaptered story..  For a while now I've been talking about this girl.. let's just call her murderer orange now (funny name, right? ^^) since it was her who brought the inspiration for the whole murderer orange thing (let's clarify that I didn't name this blog that way 'cause I liked her, but because the murdurer orange became an inside joke between a group of friends of mine, and because she (and another girl from that group) where the ones who "inspired" me to open my own blog), and since now she knows who she is, so there's no need to avoid obvious nicknames..

I'm gonna take advantage of the fact that this girl knows her identity to say soemthings I left unmentioned.. I met this girl a bit less rthan a year ago in a comic convention and she was part of a group of cosplayeres that like mine, where doing x-men cosplays.. Because of this coincidence, we started getting together as a group (I mentioned this group a few times before, it obvyously is the group I call x-men).. I already thought she was pretty when I saw her at the convention, and as we started knowing each other I started to develope a crush on her.. The thing was: she had a boyfriend..

Now, on the last post I mentioned that a window seemed to open up, I'll clarify now, that this window was her breaking up whith her boyfriend, and as I said on my las post I wasn't gonna jump in right away because that would seem oportunistic, and even if I jumped in my principal objective was to get this thing out of my chest..

I also mentioned that this window was probably gonna be closing in the near future (I also said that the window was never actually opened for me since she saw me as just a friend).. Well, this closing, was the fact that she and a mutual friend of ours, had been getting together as friends before she and her boyfriend broke up, and they noticed that there was "something" between them, so the window was closing even before it opened..

So, what happened was that 2 days ago I talked to this mutual friend, and here I confesed that she was the girl on the posts, and it was then that he told me about this "thing" between them..

Now.. I don't know exactly how things went down, but they apparently talked to each other, so the murderer orange sent me a facebook message saying she wanted to talk to me about this.. So, for lack of a better mean, we discussed the whole thing on the facebook's chat...

She was actually feeling guilty for the fact that I never stood a chance, since I watched her have a relationship whith her boyfriend, and immediatly after they broke up this friend told me that something might happen between them in the future.. I of course told her that she had noting to be sorry for and I explained taht even before she and her boyfriend broke up I was ready to try moving on  (of course I never got to, because I wanted to tell her how I felt before moving on, and the first chance I got to do so, I wasted it, and before a second chance prestented itself, our mutual friend dropped the bomb on me)

We went on and on, talking about this.. we ended up  perfectly ok, and we are still going to be friends (which as I said in another post, makes me very happy)

So.. there you go.. I never got to tell her myself how I felt.. she had to find out by somone else.. which kinda sucks.. And we had to disscuss the whole thing on facebook chat which isn't so great either.. And now in a not so far future, I may have to watch them be together.. But I'm making my peace whith it, and hopefully by that time I will have moved on, cause I'm still thinking of doing so.. I even have a new "target" (for lack of a better word) in mind, and I've had it in mind for quite sometime now so who knows... But the problem is, taht given this recent events I'm not sure if I'm ready to move on.. I mean it's still very recent, and I don't know.. it seems like being whith somone else right now may feel weird.. but I also don't want to remain stucked in this unnecesary drama I've created for myself.. So probably if nothing of what I mentioned in this las 2 posts had happened, I would probably be happily moving on or about to.. So in a way it was good to get all this shit out of the way.. but in a way it only got me stuck in this whole issue again (of course that it's just temporary but still.. it sucks..)

LA FIN!!

P.S: - the bird (the suirrel and the mano pelada too) bites- I'm not giving this people's identityes, 'cause I don't think it would be apropiate for me to do so, I think they have the right to remain unnamed if they want so..

P.P.S: Naranja Asesina: quiero aclarar que si bien tengo este "crush", ninguna de mis acciones con respecto a vos fueron inspiradas por otra cosa que un sentimiento de amistad (por dar un ejemplo, mis intervenciones en tu blog, como aquellas veces que te dije que estaba cuando me necesitaras, por algun problema que habias posteado).. O sea, capaz que la primera vez que lei tu blog fue principalmente por que me gustas.. Pero despues todo lo demas, es porque me caes muy bien mas alla de que me gustes o no (obvio que el que me gustes siempre estuvo presente pero no siempre fue lo principal).. Mi punto es que nuestra amistad es totalmente genuina, no fue todo xq me gustaras ni nada.. solo queria que supieras.. como te dije, de verdad me gusta ser tu amigo ^^  (no se si el blog es el lugar correcto para decirte esto.. de seguro hubiera sido mejor decirlo en la conversacion de hoy, pero no me di cuenta en el momento, y de verdad queria decirte esto, pero tenia miedo de retomar el tema y ponerte en una situacion incomoda.. DE NUEVO)

Since you wanted it so badly...

Europe can sit and wait! As I promissed I am going to post about the trip, but not yet.. There's somethiong else I need to get out of my chest...

Well, there's this girl I like.. a lot (I mentioned her in some posts: http://murderer-orange.blogspot.com/search/label/Murderer%20Orangee), but she had a boyfriend.. So this ment that there was no chance for me.. at all..

Some time ago, I decided to tell her how I felt anyway, just to get it out of my system, and to find out what she thought of me.. I wasn't expecting anything out of it, I never even hoped for her to give her boyfriend up just for me.. a guy she met less than a year ago.. In fact, I was actually ready to move on, I was even thinking of other girls I could try asking out (I even had one in particular in mind already )

Before I could even try to tell her, a little window of opportunity opened up, a tiny chance precented itself.. My first thought was "well, I can't jump in RIGHT now, I'm going to seem like an opportunist (and as I explained that wasn't the case)..

Virtually no time passed before I learned that she saw me as nothing but a good friend (not because SHE told me).. And that this window may be closing soon enough, and it's gonna close in a way that's particularly... well it's kind of like somone just dropped a bomb on me... not a big one, but a bomb anyway (I can't really explain why this way of closing feels this way because it just wouldn't be right.. again, for reasons that I can not explain)

So, to sum up: somone dropped a bomb on me, the window that opened was nothing but a cruel joke (not to mention it was never really opened to me), I found out that the girl I like so much, can't think of me as anything but a friend, and I didn't even got to take that load out of my chest, because I never got to talk about it whith her, I never got to hear it from her lips, and now I'm never gonna, because it seems kind of stupid now to even mention this directly to her..EVER

ça craint

Still Hung Up On HER

I like her, I like her very much, I've actually talked about her before, but I only MENTIONED her in one post, and in another one I talked about how I was jealous of the relatioship she had whith her boyfriend.. but I just realized, I never dedicated a post to HER (I'm sorry, I'm gonna keep on calling her "her" since no other name fits her right, but her own, which I can't use here), and I've been wanting to for a while now...


I actually met her in one of the last places I ever expected to meet somone, when I went to this place I was just expecting to spend sometime there whith my friends and have some fun, and that would be it... well I was wrong,  after that, a few things happened, for example IT became a new "tradition", I made a whole new group of friends, and I also met her... Now, I'm not gonna go as far as saying that she changed my life, because according to how things are going, I'm gonna have to get over her eventually, whithout nothing ever happening between us (she has a boyfriend after all), so all that I'm feeling right now, will stop and things will go back to how they were before I met her..


The truth, is that at first, I just got to see her, and that was enough to call my atention... After that thanks to our higly evolved social networks, I got to "meet", all I actually got to do was read her profile, which was enough to start geting me hung up on her.. She was a lot "like me", or at least that's what I thought at the moment*, the truth is that we do have things in common, and some of them are things I had in common whith ther I didn't have in common whith anyone else (well, maybe my brother), which made it all the more special.. Now I  know new friend whith whom I share those interests (my so called X-Men)..


*I now realize that maybe I let myself idealize her a bit too much, the truth is that I only saw her three times, and I only got to speak to her 2 of those times.. Granted, I do get to read about her in her.. well, let's call it a "blog" (I don't know how else to name it), and maybe there I got to see deeper than what you can see when you talk to somone in person.. But the truth, is that I hardly got to know her in person.. And it's easy to idealize somone in that position.. I'm not saying that she's not very nice, and that we don't have things in common, all I'm saying is that it's probable that we're not anyway near as similar as I thought at first (for example: all those things we have in common, she has them "more" than I do, and at first I thought that was even better, now I realize I was just fooling myself).. 


Maybe it happened, cause in a way I'm lonely, and my "love life" is the only thing I feel is a total failure right now.. I love my family (well, most of it), I have great friends, and this year I've made new and completely different friends outside my school (for the first time ever), and I'm done whith school, and I know exaclty "where" I'm headed next year.. But in my eighteen years of life, I have never had a girlfriend, and I've always been the girlfriend kind of guy.. So I guess I'm kind of a failure in that way.. And then she came in and it was so easy, (as I said I don't meet much people outside of school, so I don't meet a lot of women.. and even though there are some of my friends whith whom I think we would be good, I'm not about to risk any friendships unless it's somone I really want to be whith), but it really wasn't.. since she wasn't "achivable"...


And I know, that you maybe thinking "well, If you realized that you idealized her, whats the big deal?", well the truth is that I realized too late, now I'm way too hung up on her, and I don't really want to let go of her, and of this image I have of her, (and even whithout idealizing her, she still would be more than good for me).. I guess that all I can do now, is wait till yime does its work, and I'm over her, cause I don't want to stop seeing her, cause even if I can't be whith her that way, I know that she could be a great friend for me (specially once I'm over her)

Simplement jaloux -beau dommage-

Bonjour mes amis...

She had to have a boyfriend... she had to be good friends with her boyfriend... Her boyfriend HAD to be a part of her group of frinds, didn't he?..... I HAD to like that group of friends, rigth?

I know this still sounds weird but here's the thing: A few months ago I met this gir to whom I was instantly attracted. I added her on facebook and we got together a few times (us and other people) and the attraction grew stronger when I saw all the things we have in common. But of course: she has a boyfriend! so I started disliking this guy, partly because of the fact that he was her boyfriend and partly because of other reasons (which are most likely consequence of him being her bf). So of course I have no real reason for disliking him (in fact we seem to be the same kind of people)

So... Recently I got to see them in their group of friends in their natural status.. And I hated that I liked the dynamic the group had (it's not all that diferent than the dynamic me and my friends have). I hate the fact that It was fun watching them be... I hate the fact that I liked that group that much specially since for me to get what I want that group would have to be dissolved, which means that deep down I want that group to brake (because deep down I want them two break-up) just so that I can get what I want.

So I'm truly jealous of that guy, and the worst part is that even if I get what I want I still would be jealous of what they had, because they are not just bf and gf thay are friends, good ones, I mean... and even if I get to be with her it still would be a bitter sweet because my happines was based on the dissolution of her friend group (which I really like) and there would also be the fact that her friends are his friends, so I would be in an akward place...

Merci..

P.S: -the bird bites- Yes, I realise that just because of the fact that they break up it doesn't mean that they have to stop being friends, but I believe it would take them a long time to be as good friends as they were, and if they keep being friends my place would just get more akward.

(probably) All in the mind -oasis-

Bonjour mes amis!!

I'll start this post (since it's my first) by explaining that I created this blog because I felt the need of taking a few things out of my chest that even if I talk about them with my best friends or my brother at times, I always omit something (sometimes I understate the feelings that I have over certain situations for example), and since I saw that a recently "obtained" friend had a blog, and used it for this purpose (among others) i thought: "why not?

Well, i'm not in what u could call the best time of my life (this sounds way worse than it actually is).. for starters my father decided to come back home (i know this is usually a good news, but for reasons i'm not gona explain now for me this isn't the case). I don't know it may be the fact that I still don't see any reasons at all (good or bad) for him leaving in the first place. It may be because I was promised a few explenations on the subject that I never got. It can also be because of the fact that no one ever told me that he was moving back in (of course i was told about the possibility of this happening but never as a fact) I didn't find out untill my mother asked me for help moving his stuff back in, don't I decerve a little warning at the very least?And of course that the call I answered 5 minutes ago , where I found out that the maid my father had in his apartment is going to come work at my house, is of no help, I mean I understand that this isn't all that bad and the woman ghas no fault of anything but I will always (unconciously) relate her to my father moving out of the house, and I believe I have the rigth to know if anyone is going to work in my house (because it's not that my parents told me it's just that i happend to answer a call from the woman asking how to get to my house)

And of course there's the typical liking a girl who happens to have a boyfriend. And it's not just that I like her is that I think she is so rigth for me it's like she is a lot like me specially in those areas that not many people I know are which (what other people consider weird of me) makes her even more special, I feel that she is like a version of me taken to the extreme.

There's also the fact that i'm not talking to the only person in my class i could really consider a FRIEND (Mati) with capital everything don't get me wrong, it's not that i am antisocial(sure i'm not the most outgoing guy ever), in fact i get allong well with everyone else in my class, it's just that all my friends happen to be in diferent classes.The truth is that he happens to be a jerk often but what's really bothering me is the fact that he usually apologizes the weekwnd after we figth, but this time he didn't. The worse part was that he is acting ofended when HE was the one who ofended me!

Well, that's all I can't think of rigth now.. but i always tend to forget somethin (i'm very destracted :P)

MERCI!to those who read it and specially those who post!:), and well even if noone reads it, it's still a good way of letting things out of my sistem ;)