Europe can sit and wait! As I promissed I am going to post about the trip, but not yet.. There's somethiong else I need to get out of my chest...
Well, there's this girl I like.. a lot (I mentioned her in some posts: http://murderer-orange.blogspot.com/search/label/Murderer%20Orangee), but she had a boyfriend.. So this ment that there was no chance for me.. at all..
Some time ago, I decided to tell her how I felt anyway, just to get it out of my system, and to find out what she thought of me.. I wasn't expecting anything out of it, I never even hoped for her to give her boyfriend up just for me.. a guy she met less than a year ago.. In fact, I was actually ready to move on, I was even thinking of other girls I could try asking out (I even had one in particular in mind already )
Before I could even try to tell her, a little window of opportunity opened up, a tiny chance precented itself.. My first thought was "well, I can't jump in RIGHT now, I'm going to seem like an opportunist (and as I explained that wasn't the case)..
Virtually no time passed before I learned that she saw me as nothing but a good friend (not because SHE told me).. And that this window may be closing soon enough, and it's gonna close in a way that's particularly... well it's kind of like somone just dropped a bomb on me... not a big one, but a bomb anyway (I can't really explain why this way of closing feels this way because it just wouldn't be right.. again, for reasons that I can not explain)
So, to sum up: somone dropped a bomb on me, the window that opened was nothing but a cruel joke (not to mention it was never really opened to me), I found out that the girl I like so much, can't think of me as anything but a friend, and I didn't even got to take that load out of my chest, because I never got to talk about it whith her, I never got to hear it from her lips, and now I'm never gonna, because it seems kind of stupid now to even mention this directly to her..EVER
ça craint
